Mostly Straight, Most of the Time

[Mani]

There is a thread going already that is titled "bisexual men" (http://www.orgasmanic.com/index.php?topic=2468.0) and in that thread a few guys tried to explain that they feel they are not bisexual, they also don't feel they are totally straight. The term "bi-curious" was suggested and various among us tried to articulate what that might mean, but I really don't think anyone really managed to capture the essence of this very light gray area that does not fit conventional stereotypes.

Well, recently I came across an article titled "Mostly Straight, Most of the Time" and I am going to offer it up as a springboard to a fresh discussion. I am purposely not quoting anything from the article to discourage "shoot-from-the-hip" postings. If you find this topic interesting, please click on the link and read the article before commenting! (If you're not interested enough to read before posting, please find another topic to contribute to).

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/mostly-straight/

I hope this generates some really good & thoughtful discussion!

Mani

[naughtee31]

Very interesting mani - we have often talked about it over lunch at work as we have a diverse workforce sexuality wise.  We sort of came to the conclusion that there is a scale of bisexuality and it's rarely 50/50. Personally I like the term heteroflexible

Anyway, don't want to hijack a man thread but will read your discussions with interest

[damage]

As far as that article's types....I'm in that third category.  As far as a fantasy standpoint or masturbation is concerned all is fair game in my book.  But......the odds of me running into a guy that I'd be willing to have and encounter with are pretty slim. 

[ted996969]

Thanks for posting this article Mani. Through the years, I'd often wondered if there were guys with similar feelings to my own. I'm glad places like Orgasmanic exist as I've been able to explore some of these feelings and discuss them more openly than I would with my friends. It's not always an easy thing to look a friend you've known for years in the face and discuss how I sometimes fantasize about guys. I'm glad to see an article like this, it gives some promise that the range of human sexuality is becoming more mainstream and normal to discuss in the open.

As for me personally, I'd say I'm the type that is physically attracted to men (as I am women), but would never really consider a romantic relationship. I would absolutely hook up with a guy if the circumstances were right, but don't think I could have the emotional kind of relationship that I could with a woman.

[Rotion1974]

Really interesting thread! I have to say that I would be fit in this circustance... In fact Nothing is black or white according to sex behaviour...I thing

[Skeptix]

I definitely have urges and find certain parts of certain guys appealing in certain circumstances. I know, for one example, I have shown a great deal of interest in certain posters in this forum.

I suppose I might fall into some other category, one not described in the article. I definitely lean toward the purely physical rather than any emotional attraction. I just cannot find that in myself and do not desire any sort of closeness beyond what it takes to get off.

[Fel8]

That's great article.  I would put myself in category 2. I have been attracted to some of my friends and with the right set of circumstances, I wouldn't mind sexual interaction.  In fact I have been frustrated at times because I wanted a sexual relationship with from some  friends but there was just no way the subject could get breached.

[VG]

Thanks for posting this article, Mani...Really interesting.  Sexual orientation is such a complex thing that seems to defy easy labels.  Kinsey had a seven point scale from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual, but even then how do you define it--by the person's experience? fantasies? self-identification?...  And then also there is the issue that preferences may change over the lifespan.

I think the heteroflexible label is a good one for me--mostly hetero, but open to same sex fantasies and experiences.  To simplify Kinsey's scale, how about a five-point scale:

exclusively homosexual
homoflexible
bisexual
heterosexual
exclusively heterosexual

[VG]

Ummm... typo... That should be "heteroflexible"....

[Rotion1974]

It's a good definition!

[RSWinkie]

I practice noticing that sweet little buzz I get when I get a sexual charge, from men or women or boys or girls or .... anything.  So many years clamping it down, shutting it off, ignoring, lying, pretending, ashaming, pleasing, hiding ... blah, blah, blah. So when it comes around I try to just feel it, wherever and whenever it wants.

I practice and notice the crap that has accumulated over my native feelings and reactions.

Oh the damage. Oh the damage.


And its not too late, is it?

[196652]

This thread is evidence as to how hard it is to label these things. For me, I'd like a JO bud, and to try MMF. Not sure what category that puts me in.

[Mani]

Some more food for thought:

"The concept of heterosexuality in our current culture is much like what the concept of Caucasian once was for Western society: It's the assumed "normal," the standard by which everything and everyone else is measured. One difference, as explained by Hanne Blank in her rich new book Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality, is that unlike skin color, heterosexuality is not an inherent trait one is born with, and in fact may not even exist."

Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality
http://orlandoweekly.com/arts/books/straight-the-surprisingly-short-history-of-heterosexuality-1.1285685

[linghaman]

There is a thing that happens to guys when you learn to have prostate orgasms or mmo's as some of us call them.  The process of having them supercharges the flood of sex hormones in a guys bloodstream.  That and other psychological dimensions that I don't understand lead to something called "being rewired".  You can read about rewiring in the Aneros Forum.  Being rewired does a couple of things.  It opens the door to initiating orgasms from nipple stimulation, anal stimulation, internal muscle contraction and on pressure points like the million dollar spot or elsewhere.  One of the other things that happens is enhanced sexuality and sense of the sensual. 

With almost all guys who have developed the skill, bi - curiousity happens.  It happened to me.  My sense of eroticism and my arousal when I view good looking naked guys is now part of my sexual response.  Many of us including me have responded to the curiousity with a dabble in having sex with a guy.  I did it with another bi curious guy earlier this year.  I won't go into the details here but would be happy to share my perspective one on one.  It was really nice and definately worth the foray.  I am not gay nor am I bisexual.  I am a sexual guy who happened to do it with another guy.

Linghaman

[Mani]

Thanks Linghamen, I appreciate your post and the spirit in which is is offered.

I'd like to hear if there is some scientific basis for the statement that prostrate-initiated orgasms affects hormonal levels. If it's true, it suggests the intriguing possibility that MMO techniques could be used as a treatment for low testosterone levels. I can't be the first person to think of this!

Around the idea of "bisexual rewiring": I hate to say this, but to be intellectually honest, I must point out that some extreme religious groups claim that masturbation is a gateway to homosexual (and other) behaviors. I think we have all had a bellyful of that kind of ignorance. So I admit I don't much care for this thesis of bisexual rewiring. It's pretty much saying the same thing! If we want to hold religious groups accountable for their unsubstantiated claims, then we should well be prepared to offer tangible evidence when the context is more to our liking!

However I do ask that you to start a separate topic for these discussions (if you would like to start it), because that stuff actually is off-topic for this thread. Here, I want to further a discussion of how the labels our culture applies to men and their sexuality tends to oppress male sexual expression and stigmatize men's actual experience of their sexual selves.

I do like the way you state your conclusion, however: "I am not gay nor am I bisexual.  I am a sexual guy who happened to do it with another guy." That captures the spirit of what I would like to explore in this thread.

Mani