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Author *Topic: Are you a Redneck?  (Read 1835 times)
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peachykc
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« on: October 03, 2007, 07:56:42 PM »

ARE YOU A REDNECK?
 
  1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
  2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter
  3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
  4. You burn your yard rather than mow it
  5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench
  6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture
  7. You offer someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
  8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
  9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so clean ?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65. 
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2pumps81
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« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2007, 08:43:00 PM »

Lol  some of those hit home lol! Specially the TV on top of another!! :p
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ilikeitalot
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« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2007, 03:08:25 PM »

Redneck birth control...


* redneckbirthcontrol.jpg (39.62 KB, 500x346 - viewed 317 times.)
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JillinVa
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« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2007, 04:11:15 PM »

Yippeeee....I only checked off 20 out of 30....guess I'm no redneck!
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8cocku812
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« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2007, 08:16:02 AM »

If the only reason you walk your 8 year old to school is you're in the same grade you might be a redneck

I think I is one
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I know you've been up on an elevator but have you ever gone down on one
bayouguy
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« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2007, 09:45:04 PM »

SOUTHERNISMS

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. 

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me? "There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

-------------------------------------------------

How do you know when your staying in a Kentucky hotel?

When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "go ahead."

--------------------------------------------------

How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married?

There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

-------------------------------------------------

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?

A documentary.

--------------------------------------------------

Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says, "Bout what?"

-------------------------------------------------

Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?

The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

--------------------------------------------------


Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas burned down?

Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.

--------------------------------------------------


What's the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas?

I-40.

--------------------------------------------------

Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says,"Hey Tommy Ray,what'cha got in th' bag?"

"Jus' some chickens."

"If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?"

"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."

"OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"

--------------------------------------------------

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common? 

Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.

--------------------------------------------------

A Mississippian came home and found his house on fire, he rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Shucks, don't you still have those big red trucks?"

--------------------------------------------------

Why do folks in Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?

Cuz 17 and under not admitted.

----------------------------------

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Cutiewithabooty
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« Reply #6 on: October 07, 2007, 12:58:08 AM »


What's the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas?

I-40.


 angry27 I beg to differ!! :O :O :O
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8cocku812
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« Reply #7 on: October 07, 2007, 07:02:33 AM »

A redneck tried to call 911, he could find the 9 he just couldn't find the 11
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I know you've been up on an elevator but have you ever gone down on one
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« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2017, 04:34:11 AM »

ARE YOU A REDNECK?
 
  1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
  2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter
  3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
  4. You burn your yard rather than mow it
  5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench
  6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture
  7. You offer someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
  8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
  9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so clean ?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65. 

Hey.  I resemble some of these Wink
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