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Author *Topic: Compliment vs. Creepy --finding the line.  (Read 2338 times)
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Jake80
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« on: June 06, 2017, 10:23:51 PM »

Not the first time this has happened to me, but it is an internal struggle.

Was at an airport today and saw an extremely attractive woman.  Not crying for attention and not trying hard with makeup and hair, just a natural beauty who seemed shy and not full of self confidence.  She was not a typical "commercially" beautiful woman but her eyes were stunning and her face kind.

Part of me wanted to tell her she was beautiful. No reason other than for her to know, just a kind word as I passed by on the way to board my flight.

I was torn. On one hand it would make my day if a woman (heck even a man) unsolicited gave me a passing compliment. Nothing rude or raunchy, just a "wow, your eyes are stunning". On the other hand I thought it could be creepy or even scary. I worried that perhaps our ability to comment on photos on sites such as this was impairing my judgement in reality.

I am sure it is personal preference, but how would you perceive such a comment?  Would you, or have you ever given such a comment?

As it turns out, I said nothing.  I wish I'd had the courage to make neutral small talk and if she seemed comfortable ended with a "have a great flight, and by the way I think your eyes are stunning".

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blueflame
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« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2017, 12:11:09 AM »

I suspect your instinct to keep quiet was probably correct.

There's no way to know what she's been through already that day. Even well intended compliments may come across as just one more unwelcome catcall, the sum total of which is likely to leave a negative impression. (Don't check my math too closely. I have a degree in literature. Can sums total to negatives? Off topic, sorry. )

I like your idea of casual conversation leading to a compliment, though. That seems to be a solid approach. Might even end with an exchange of contact info?

Of course,  I'd love to hear a female's take on this. I've never been catcalled or complimented by strangers. I would probably assume they were talking to someone else.
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BestinDK
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« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2017, 01:55:29 AM »


Was at an airport today and saw an extremely attractive woman.  Not crying for attention and not trying hard with makeup and hair, just a natural beauty who seemed shy and not full of self confidence. 


I know this isn't the base for this thread, but I just need to point out that women don't need to dress up and wear make-up for men or for other people. They do it cause they want to. And its no one else's business to point out if you think they are trying too hard or not.

As for the what this thread is really about, I would say you did the right thing and not said anything. Yes, compliments are great. I have complimented strangers many times, but I think it make a HUGE difference on what you are wanting to compliment. Telling a complete stranger that she has nice eyes, is, sorry to say, a little creepy. There are many that believe that eyes are the gateway to the soul and all that, so they can be a very special feature on a person. If you wanted to compliment, say, her hair or jacket or such, then I would say go for it.

When you start to think about complimenting clothes, it can get a little tricky, especially coming from the opposite sex. Coming up to a lady and saying she has nice jeans, that could be taken as you are complimenting her ass. Same with a shirt, unless its a funny shirt.

You have to realize that a lot of women have been victims of cat-calling and sometimes compliments, although well meaning, can trigger.
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Mani
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« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2017, 02:13:27 AM »

Was at an airport today and saw an extremely attractive woman.  Not crying for attention and not trying hard with makeup and hair, just a natural beauty who seemed shy and not full of self confidence.  She was not a typical "commercially" beautiful woman but her eyes were stunning and her face kind.

I think you made a very wise decision withholding that comment. I suggest you check your assumptions because you've made up quite a story about this woman just by looking at her. Consider this alternative narrative that is probably more accurate. She's a beautiful woman "not trying hard" because she is weary of receiving unwanted attention from men wherever she goes. Besides, she's travelling and is more interested in being comfortable than wearing a lot of make-up or doing something with her hair. She's not shy but likes to keep to herself because she prefers her privacy. She looks less than self-confident because she's noticed you're staring at her and based on previous experiences she's dreading that you're going to say something awkward or annoying.

You say you experience this kind of thing often as an internal struggle. I don't know if you realize just how true that is? Because this kind of thing is not about the women you are attracted to and want to compliment. They are just walking around living their lives. Your struggle is completely about you. If you want to be free of it, you'll have to do some inner work and try to discover the source of the conflict within.

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Atxtouch
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« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2017, 09:23:10 AM »

It's a tough one. I was always taught that a compliment unsaid is a wasted thought. But, on the other hand, I can see where something like "you have the most beautiful eyes" to a total stranger, could be considered intrusive at best, harassing at worst. Perhaps if you had started a dialog about something first ( air travel suckiness, where you are flying to, etc) and built a bit of rapport, then you would have a read on how a compliment would be received. And even then, I think the parting comment should be more of "I really enjoyed chatting with you" rather than "you have stunning eyes".
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« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2017, 03:51:29 PM »

I think everyone is probably dead on.  If you started an exchange of comments, I think it would have given you a feeling for her personality and mood.  I've blurted out, "You have beautiful eyes," to another female before.  She looked at me like I grew a second head.  Automatically, I apologized and stated I wasn't hitting on her, but that I couldn't help but notice and felt a compliment was earned.   I don't know which of us walked away feeling more awkward.   We both laughed, but I think the damage had already been done.

Now...being on the receiving end of compliments about my smile, I typically blush and say thank you.  Maybe it's all in the way you say things and what you are complimenting.   Good job thinking before you speak.  That's not my strong suit. Heart smile
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jj53
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« Reply #6 on: June 08, 2017, 09:31:50 AM »

The timing of this thread is perfect, you see I had a similar thing happen to me this past weekend only in reverse. My wife and I had gone grocery shopping on Saturday and while we were checking out I was leaning against the checkout behind us as my wife kept her eye on the checkout monitor.  I glanced to my left only to see this lady and what appeared to be her daughter enter the checkout behind me.  This young lady, perhaps in her early 20's, was gorgeous, 6 foot, long blonde hair, blue eyes to die for.  She was wearing a buckskin colored light summer dress that laced up the front and did very little to cover her exquisite cleavage and very lovely tits.  Oh yes I stared and didn't care if she know I was looking.  My wife nudged me and asked if I was enjoying the view.....I told her of course, she went back to watching the monitor.  We had a whole cart full of stuff the lady and her daughter only had a few Items.  They finished checking out before us and started to walk off.  The mother kept walking but the daughter stopped by where I was standing and said " Like what you see"?  I told her yes very much so.....she said " you ought to see it when I'm not wearing this dress....I started getting excited.  Then she blew my mind, she said " I like what I see too" and rubbed her hand over my ass and around to my now swelling cock.  I was wearing one of my new sexy thongs that made my cock bulge in my jeans she ran her hand over my cock squeezed my balls and then ran her hand back over my cock and said MMMMMMMM....her mother never turned around and yelled " you coming"......I almost said yes.....the lovely young lady blew me a kiss and walked off.  My wife grabbed my now hardening cock and said " did you enjoy that"?  I replied very much.....she said " now you don't fit in your thong do you......I replied nope, my wife laughed.
Now this was quite an experience, but I'd never walk up and tell any stranger they were good looking, woman or man  much less lay my hands on them the way this young lady did......too many things could happen.  Lots of people carrying guns now a day.
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junojava
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« Reply #7 on: June 08, 2017, 10:40:08 AM »

I think everyone is probably dead on.  If you started an exchange of comments, I think it would have given you a feeling for her personality and mood.  I've blurted out, "You have beautiful eyes," to another female before.  She looked at me like I grew a second head.  Automatically, I apologized and stated I wasn't hitting on her, but that I couldn't help but notice and felt a compliment was earned.   I don't know which of us walked away feeling more awkward.   We both laughed, but I think the damage had already been done.

Now...being on the receiving end of compliments about my smile, I typically blush and say thank you.  Maybe it's all in the way you say things and what you are complimenting.   Good job thinking before you speak.  That's not my strong suit. Heart smile


You do have a beautiful smile.
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Anyeldiablo
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« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2017, 12:24:32 PM »

The timing of this thread is perfect, you see I had a similar thing happen to me this past weekend only in reverse. My wife and I had gone grocery shopping on Saturday and while we were checking out I was leaning against the checkout behind us as my wife kept her eye on the checkout monitor.  I glanced to my left only to see this lady and what appeared to be her daughter enter the checkout behind me.  This young lady, perhaps in her early 20's, was gorgeous, 6 foot, long blonde hair, blue eyes to die for.  She was wearing a buckskin colored light summer dress that laced up the front and did very little to cover her exquisite cleavage and very lovely tits.  Oh yes I stared and didn't care if she know I was looking.  My wife nudged me and asked if I was enjoying the view.....I told her of course, she went back to watching the monitor.  We had a whole cart full of stuff the lady and her daughter only had a few Items.  They finished checking out before us and started to walk off.  The mother kept walking but the daughter stopped by where I was standing and said " Like what you see"?  I told her yes very much so.....she said " you ought to see it when I'm not wearing this dress....I started getting excited.  Then she blew my mind, she said " I like what I see too" and rubbed her hand over my ass and around to my now swelling cock.  I was wearing one of my new sexy thongs that made my cock bulge in my jeans she ran her hand over my cock squeezed my balls and then ran her hand back over my cock and said MMMMMMMM....her mother never turned around and yelled " you coming"......I almost said yes.....the lovely young lady blew me a kiss and walked off.  My wife grabbed my now hardening cock and said " did you enjoy that"?  I replied very much.....she said " now you don't fit in your thong do you......I replied nope, my wife laughed.
Now this was quite an experience, but I'd never walk up and tell any stranger they were good looking, woman or man  much less lay my hands on them the way this young lady did......too many things could happen.  Lots of people carrying guns now a day.

That's quite an event.  I don't think I have the balls (no pun intended) to touch a complete stranger like that.  That's not a common response and one to treasure.  However, I think I would have been squirming knowing you were watching me like that.  LOL!
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Donna
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« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2017, 08:18:08 AM »

I think Mani is spot on. You know nothing about what is on her mind and whether your assumptions are based on fact. Perhaps she isn't shy, but she has some very serious issues on her mind.  A smile is more appropriate than a potentially unwanted comment. You call it a compliment, but she could think it is harassment, or the beginnings of it.  Not all women want to be complimented by strangers.  There is a time and a place.  Perhaps if you had had reason to interact, then a compliment could be less offensive - because you had been able to gauge the woman's mood first.  Also, to me anyway, I am far more receptive to a total stranger saying they like my necklace (which happens to me regularly as it is unusual), but if a random walked up to me and said I have nice eyes I would find it creepy and it wouldn't make me smile at all. Wise to leave that one well enough alone.  Compliment the women you know, they appreciate it more. Smiley
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iamjustme
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« Reply #10 on: June 09, 2017, 01:56:03 PM »

  There is a time and place for everything, and sitting in an airport is not the time or place for such comments.
Not to be an asshole...but women are not just here for our viewing pleasure. I would say 95% or better of all women do not appreciate comments on their looks by strange men in public places.
  I agree with Mani, she undoubtedly noticed you looking at her. Most likely you creeped her out.
Just sayin
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Jschmoe7788
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« Reply #11 on: June 09, 2017, 02:37:14 PM »

Here's some good guidance on the matter:

https://www.hulu.com/watch/295600
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Jake80
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« Reply #12 on: June 10, 2017, 12:10:51 AM »

Sorry, I thought I was clear but some are jumping to conclusions.

My internal struggle is not that I desperately want to comment on every beautiful woman that walks by.  My struggle is that I don't understand in a society where so many people (not just women) have body image issues it is considered so wrong  or "creepy" to say something nice.   My intentions would be to make someone feel good about themselves--not to hook up.

Sorry Bestin,  didn't mean to strike a nerve with commenting on how women dress. My point was, right or wrong, I am not attracted to people who seem like they are trying too hard.  I remember growing up my sister always wanting to dress skimpy. One day my family was in the city and a beautiful woman walked by--good posture and carried herself well but fully clothed. My dad pointed out that every man looked at her and she didn't show an ounce of skin--she was a beautiful woman.  I suppose that stuck with me.

Women do have a right to dress how they want without being catcalled--but the more provocatively one dresses the more attention one will usually receive.

The funny thing about the airport situation is that people  are assuming I was sitting in the corner jerking off to her.  The woman was probably 15 years my senior and we made eye contact once when I sat down but that was it.  We both sat reading across from each other but I don't believe she even noticed me again. So pretty confident I didn't creep her out.

I guess it bothers me hearing loved ones and friends complain about their appearance, but when I give compliments it is discounted b/c I am "just trying to make them feel better". That said I am trying to give unsolicited compliments (nice haircut, I like your outfit, you look nice) to people I do know.

Mani is right I wouldn't know her frame of mind.  But think about it--if I was wrong about her being shy, or she was having a rough day how shitty would it be for someone to say something nice?  I agree eyes were not the thing to comment on which is why I kept my mouth shut.

I thought I had shared this story as well but must not have hit send, or it got deleted……A coworker of mine had a much older client (80's) tell her he could stare at her all day. Now I thought this was bold, but she has been beaming ever since.   Prior to that she was concerned her decision to grow her hair out grey was making her unattractive.  I couldn't have said anything like that but he sure made her day.

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Donna
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« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2017, 05:42:11 AM »

It depends on the person receiving the compliment. What you think is a compliment can be perceived as creepy, especially if you don't know the other person.  I don't think people were thinking you were wanking over her, by the way.

Compliment those you know, help them know what you think is good about them and leave the comments to strangers alone.
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lawnnmower
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« Reply #14 on: June 13, 2017, 01:20:07 PM »

I'm afraid I may be disagreeing with most who have posted their comments... but since it's a forum I'll put forward my views.

I think it's perfectly fine to tell a stranger how great they look. I have said that to quite a few women -- total strangers I might have seen at the mall, airport or traffic lights. I'd have said it with total innocence, because I felt it needed to be said. I think beauty must be appreciated, but that's not enough -- the beauty must know it's being appreciated. Or else it's like that rose in the desert -- it blooms and dies, no one knows, unappreciated.

And so far, not one of them appeared pissed or angry or disturbed. To be perfectly frank, all of them were delighted, and their faces lit up and most of them might have even said "thank you". Maybe they have issues with kids and husbands and work, or maybe they don't. I wouldn't know.

But it's never a wrong time or too late to pass appreciation. In any case, it's better than spreading hate.

Lately, if I love something, I just do it immediately. Such as if I think a woman is pretty, I might tell her so right away with a genuine smile...or I might not... not always. Or if I like the new Renault Kwid, I might just go get it today if I feel like it.

Tomorrow might never come. My brother died so young, with wanting to do so much. If you like something, do it now ... (bordering on Zen).

Finally, to all the women on this board I'd like to say you're all so beautiful! You're awesome Smiley Thank you for being here!
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