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Author *Topic: The Shoutbox  (Read 741 times)
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Muse
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« on: June 16, 2017, 10:35:24 AM »

My intention is not to upset anyone just to discuss
Of late there seem to have been a lot of negative comments in the shout box with regards to the goings on in chat, now Iím not saying donít voice your concerns or issues but is the Shoutbox the appropriate place to do so? 
It seems to produce more negative comments and then the spiral continues with others then feeling the need to comment. 
Itís also the first thing new people visiting the site see.

To my mind all the negative points being made just go to reinforce stereotypes of Ďmale behaviourí and such generalisations are not something I choose to promote.  I personally feel let down by my own sex when they behave in such ways. Then again I get offended when people then go on to compare male sexuality with that of nothing more than a horny dog. There has to be a balance to be found here so please lets discuss, open for debate.
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hot.sexybabe50
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« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2017, 11:42:50 AM »

Muse I agree with you.. the shout box shouldn't be a place to bear it all!!
But rather use the forum like ur doing and start a thread voicing ur concerns and issues on a topic that bothers you or that you want feedback on!!
Ugh... just my two cents Tongue
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uzaho
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« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2017, 01:01:40 PM »

I agree with you Muse 100%.

I've heard many people say when they log in they notice negativity in the shoutbox and do not wish to be involved in the drama. Also, as you've said with the demonization of our gender, it's rude AF. I'm not gonna say I feel "let down" by the vocal minority who choose to be asshats, it's just that, a small percentage that does not represent most of us here. Inversely, there's a lot of people of the opposite gender who don't always get called on their shit for whatever reason, their scarcity by comparison or whichever the case may be.

In short I think you had an excellent idea by discussing it in the forum, I've been voicing the same concern just in PM with other chatters.

More  Eating pussy  Fucking doggy style  Sucking cock less hate. Thumbs up
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Mani
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« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2017, 03:30:41 PM »

Usually when someone posts in the Shoutbox about a problem they are having in chat, it is because they are somewhat hurt, upset, confused or angry about what has happened. The Shoutbox is the quickest place to communicate on this site and therefore the seemingly logical place to try to rally help and support when upset or hurt. This is all quite understandable on human terms and I would like everyone to take it into account. Because of this, expect that there will continue to be an occasional complaint posted in the Shoutbox, even if it is not recommended. I would suggest however that the best response when it happens is to empathize with their pain and suggest they contact a moderator for help. This would lead to far less drama than the (also quite human) tendency to "pile on" with further complaints and grievances which often times are unrelated to the original complaint.***

That said, the preferred way to raise an issue about something in chat is not to use the Shoutbox, or post in the forums, but to contact a moderator (either Donna or myself). The fact is, problems in chat most often arise from a misunderstanding and shoutbox postings tend to only describe one side of that misunderstanding. Also I will say a lot of people that make an emotional post in the shoutbox later on feel embarrassed by what they posted, or had at least wish they had waited until they had calmed down and gained some perspective before posting. For these reasons you  see repeated over and over in the site Guidelines to contact a moderator when you have a problem!

One more thing about the shoutbox. I myself use it on occasion to post about problems that are going on in chat and in particular when someone has caused a significant problem and I want people to know that the perpetrator has been dealt with. Also I use it when I need to deal with an ongoing problem in chat that involves a lot of people. I endeavor to keep such communications to a minimum and also as to the point as possible, sometimes without success. These communications will continue as need arises.

As for the issue of "gender bashing". I will bluntly state it is not allowed on this site, not in the forums, the shoutbox, or in the chat. We want this site to be a comfortable place for people of all genders and orientations alike to comfortably express and explore their sexuality and that cannot happen in an atmosphere where gender-bashing occurs.

Over the years I have removed a number of blatantly offensive gender-bashing posts in the forums that few people ever saw because they were quickly discovered and removed. And I think you are all very well aware that there is no hesitation in removing men from the site that use abusive or degrading language in chat when interacting with women. What you may not be aware of is, because it happens less often, is women have been removed from site for the same reasons. That it happens less often with women is partly a reflection of the fact that there are far fewer women on the site, and partly a reflection that women, in my experience, tend to respond more positively to a warning about such things. Lest anyone interpret that as a negative about men, let me add that two of the nastiest things I have seen happen on this site over the past 10 years were perpetrated by women, against women. BestinkDK's recent admonition about women not turning chat into a competition with each other is worth considering.

Finally I want to say something that may not be obvious at first blush, and this is true for men and for women. Chat is not a place for the faint of heart. Let there be no misunderstanding. You may experience a lot of attention in chat, perhaps like you have never experienced in real life. But you can be sure you will also experience rejection, and it will sometimes be very harsh. Chat may afford you an exciting opportunity to express and validate parts of yourself that you keep hidden in real life, but you will also discover chat holds up a mirror and shows you what you like least about yourself. I think it is safe to say any self-aware person that has been in chat more than a few months has experienced these things and those that have persevered for a year or longer have undergone personal growth and increased self-acceptance as a result.

Mani

*** Addendum: The poorest, meanest-spirited, and possibly most immature response to someone posting in the shoutbox is to make fun of it in chat.
« Mani fucked with this post June 16, 2017, 05:43:45 PM » Logged
Mani
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« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2017, 05:43:07 PM »

Bump, see addendum to my previous post.
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Angie4u
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« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2017, 05:59:31 PM »

Quote
BestinkDK's recent admonition about women not turning chat into a competition with each other is worth considering

that was my case, i was just doing my things and seems i upset someone because guys gave me too much attention and another woman felt dropped, what i should do? say guys not compliment me? dont talk with them? The only way i have now is cam with buddy only setting...i think is very unfair and i dont like but i m not here for drama.
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Mani
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« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2017, 06:30:58 PM »

Angie,

That piece you've quoted was not meant to be about you. I was referring to other, unrelated incidents I've had to mediate.

What you were doing yesterday was 100% OK. It's not your fault some guys acted rudely. Please continue to cam as you like.

Mani
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Angie4u
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« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2017, 06:37:57 PM »

well this time i feel not guys were rude but ok nevermind, thanks, i understand.
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Mani
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« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2017, 06:46:04 PM »

well this time i feel not guys were rude but ok nevermind, thanks, i understand.

Angie, if you would, please message me and help me understand what your viewpoint is. Thanks in advance! Mani
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Donna
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« Reply #9 on: June 16, 2017, 07:03:59 PM »

I'll just have to throw more titty flashes in the shootbox then, and bad jokes.  The oldest one I remember perhaps : why did the tomato blush?  Because he saw the salad dressing.  Bahahahaha Donna cracked a funny.  Ok I might need to work on my jokes.  It was funny when I was five. 

Nice post Muse.
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BestinDK
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« Reply #10 on: June 17, 2017, 05:30:45 AM »

Maybe if you are going to say something in the SB and "Dear Diary" makes sense before your sentence, then its probably not a good idea to post it. I often tell people that on FB. Not everything needs to be something we should bitch about and not everything is someone else's fault. If someone gets offended all the time, maybe its less to do with the other people, and more to do with yourself.
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BestinDK Tongue

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Mani
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« Reply #11 on: June 17, 2017, 08:34:25 PM »

I've been talking privately with a lot of people about the shoutbox and a number of other issues that have been touched on in this discussion. Some very interesting points have been made and I have come to see my understanding of a recent event was incorrect. So, it's been quite a learning experience. Thanks to everyone that has helped me through it.

Now I have a few things to say and I'll try to keep it short.  Ha.

#1 New shoutbox policy: Complaints, accusations, insults, snarky and otherwise negative comments are not to be posted in the shoutbox. Neither should people reply to them. These kinds of shoutbox postings, and all responses to them, will  be removed without comment (although it may take a while since site admins have been known to sleep and eat). In the case of a complaint, it is the poster's responsibility to go through proper channels and contact a moderator with their complaint. In the case of insults, accusations, snarky comments, etc posters are subject to disciplinary action.

#2 One of the events that led to this discussion was a controversial complaint made about certain events in chat. I have discovered the facts behind these events, and I have determined:

a. the chatroom was being used appropriately at the time, e.g. for the erotic purposes it is intended to serve;
b. the men in chat at the time did not do anything wrong;
c .the woman who was camming at the time did not do anything wrong;
d. the woman who made the complaint in the shoutbox also made an inflammatory and highly inappropriate remark in chat, directed at the men in the room, and the woman who was camming;
e. the shoutbox complaint characterized the woman who was camming as "skinny", which is a body-type categorization made in a negative context; this is body-shaming and strictly not allowed on this site.*

*body-shaming: the action or practice of humiliating someone by making mocking or critical comments about their body shape or size.

I very much dislike publicly chastising anyone, but when public accusations are made which turn out to be provably false, it is the job of the moderator to publicly correct the record. Such are the pitfalls of making public complaints.

#3. I stated previously that people making public complaints in the shoutbox are likely upset about something, and because they are members of our community they are deserving of our empathy and compassion. I stand by those comments and would not be favorably inclined towards anyone that seeks to ridicule, tease or make jokes at this person's expense - or direct any other negative behaviors towards them.

From this point on the subject of this complaint is closed to public discussion. Moderators will continue to work with the person involved regarding these events.

#4. Other issues discussed in this thread are still open for discussion.  Thumbs up

Mani
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A_Yarndd
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« Reply #12 on: June 18, 2017, 08:48:26 AM »

I don't ever read the shoutbox so I'm not sure what the full context of this thread is. I'll just pop my head up to say that I hope I haven't offended anyone, somehow, and that people should just be cool with each other. My experiences in the chat have been almost 100% positive, with one a very small minority of negative interactions (maybe 3 times in 2 years?)
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hot.sexybabe50
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« Reply #13 on: June 18, 2017, 08:52:40 AM »

I don't ever read the shoutbox so I'm not sure what the full context of this thread is. I'll just pop my head up to say that I hope I haven't offended anyone, somehow, and that people should just be cool with each other. My experiences in the chat have been almost 100% positive, with one a very small minority of negative interactions (maybe 3 times in 2 years?)

Lies... lies ...lies... You have offended me!! Angry
Ahahahaha.... Just busting ur chops...  you got to have some humor in it all.
Now spread ur legs and masturbate Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
 Kiss Kiss Kiss
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A strong woman loves who she is... Trusts her instincts... Speaks her mind... And doesn't take shit from anyone!!!!!
A_Yarndd
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« Reply #14 on: June 19, 2017, 08:39:58 AM »

 Shocked
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